Written on January 14, 2018. Posted Jan. 22, 2018 due to crappy internet connections.
Sometimes when you turn the page, you unexpectedly stumble into the start of a new chapter. That is what I experienced this past week, for worse or for better. I’ll spare you the long list of reasons why, and simply share that Matt is no longer on this journey with me.
By 32, I’ve been through my fair share of heartache and break ups. So I’m pretty skilled at picking myself up and embracing the new, single life. That being said, sudden loneliness is a terrible feeling, even for an introvert like myself. If you’re one of the amazing people that have helped me get through tough times (on more than one occasion) you are a gem of a human and your friendship is appreciated.
Today I woke up to a beautiful sunrise illuminating the mountains in the distance. A day off from work is pretty rare, so I was pumped to enjoy the weather rather than just hear everyone checking into the resort mention it.
“What a beautiful day outside!” is not the kindest thing to say to someone stuck in an office from 9-5. FYI.
After a quick trip to Trader Joe’s (my alcohol budget just shrank to the level of Two Buck Chuck) I set off to hike the Bump and Grind Loop. A popular trail that starts literally behind the Target in town, it’s a solid 4-mile hike with slight over a 1,000 ft. climb. I can’t think of a better way to exercise when, once again, it’s 76 degrees and sunny.
I’ll admit to listening to my fierce break-up playlist, circa 2015, which revived a lot of rusty heartstrings that are held together with shoelaces and bubble gum. The tunes kept me moving and in good spirits, despite being passed by several octogenarians running UP HILL faster than me. I even played one of my sister’s best keep-your-mind-off-of-exercise games and collected a handful of random high fives. When an American Krestel flew to a branch in front of me, I decided to sit and watch, absorb, and learn from the natural beauty surrounding me. Lesson: jump at the opportunities that present themselves to you, and make the most of them. Flee from danger and toxic relationships.
My afternoon has been spent reading Rupi Kaur’s new book of poetry, and swinging in my hammock with a Madtree PsycHOPathy in hand. The first few pages consist of raw, exposed poetry pertaining to the pain of an ended relationship. <Personal note: Pick up more Kleenex next time I’m in town.> I have plans this evening to meet a friend at the pool and share some discreet wine, which I’m excited for simply because she’s the most positive person I’ve ever met in my life. It’s impossible for her amazing perspective to not to rub off on you.
The nights will still feel lonely. At least for a little while. But with family, friends, two dogs, two cats, and Netflix, I know I’ll get by. In fact, new chapters bring new potential. New challenges (ugh, I have to cook for myself again!) and self-reliance. Yes, I can empty the tanks on my own. Yes, I can pull the 5th wheel with my truck by myself. Yes, I can continue this journey and accept that life loves throwing curve balls. I’ve had some practice though, and I know I’m going to hit this one out of the ballpark.